So you're a new grad student at Caltech. Welcome to Hell. The first year is the worst. Here's what I've learned:

• Get a car, so you can go to places like Joshua Tree.
• Photocopy your homework and exams before turning them in. Someone may steal yours, or it might never get returned.
• Compound interest is your friend. Start saving money right away. Start an IRA.
• Even better, defer admission to take a finance job or join the peace corps.
• Don't work too hard at classes. Take classes with pass/fail grades. Remember: C stands for Credit.
• Choose your advisor carefully:
  • Look for an advisor who has children and tenure. The unripe ones are often miserable and demonic.
  • Has he ever graduated a student before? Does he know what's required?
  • How thick does your thesis have to be?
  • Interview your potential advisor's previous students.
  • Make sure your advisor knows that you intend to graduate.
  • Get him to take you to a restaurant or bar. Is he a social weenie? Is he a generous tipper?
  • Don't tell your advisor you have an NSF fellowship. Make sure he wants you enough that he's willing to pay you before he finds out that you're free.
• You are not a glutton for punishment. There's no point in getting burned out.
• Take notes in ink on discarded copier paper. You'll get lazy and do this eventually, anyway.